would you rather i go first?
i'm just winging this... i'm really tired right now...
I've been trying to keep track of my dreams lately. It shouldn't be a hard thing to do, it sounds so easy, but with me nothing is that. I hardly ever remember dreaming, first of all. When I do, I wake up right afterwards and then try (and try and try) to go back to sleep. I'm never awake enough to write, or to think about it in-depth much. When I awake up and start my day later, I only have the distant memory of a dream (I have no idea what it was about or if it even happened).
Every once in a while, though, I get reoccuring dreams that I couldn't forget even if I wanted to. A few nights ago I was writing about recent ones and remember one reoccuring dream, from years ago. I haven't had in a long time.
In it, I'm walking around areas I know--routes I've taken daily as a child, riding along the bus or my parents car. Roads near places I've lived and schools I went to. Up until high school. Thinking about it now, it kind of seems like places from the years until I could drive.
I started wondering, when I was writing and remembering this dream, am I walking away from something or towards something? Am I lost or just taking the scenic route or what? I could be leaving the life I've always known, I could headed towards the life I'm supposed to have, I could be confused (in some, I remember it felt like circles--I was walking circles around neighborhood blocks) on which way to go.....
maybe my car broke down
..which brings me to jewel, as most things do :)
her car broke down once, and she thought it had to be something spiritually wrong with her, because spirit she can work on but money she didn't have:
(i feel like my car, a little run down, a little beat up, maybe just a litte bit green)
maybe it's my battery, maybe it's my starter, maybe my heart's just too weak
just this feeling, like i've got to get going, got to get free, got to get out of here
but now i don't know how to get home
oh god, what have i done
i'm a thousand miles away
and i'm lying next to you
(also--if something went wrong with brakes, it meant she had problems slowing down in life, and so forth. a very interesting way of looking at it.)
that's my tired story with a little off-path lyrical goodness at the end.
remind me, soon, to post pictures in here. i've uploaded some very good recent ones. just when i thought the butterflies would be gone forever... (summer is ending and i didn't think i'd see many more until next june-ish, but there have been as many as ever. two swallowtails when i was heading to work sunday, and the past two days there've been three or four monarch's together. i also saw a praying mantis today--first all year--usually they come around and munch on butterflies and leave the wings littered on the ground, for me to pick up and preserve.)
some from battery park, too, because i spend too much of my spare time there.
don't forget to post something.
you all know me, but you could at least introduce yourselves to each other or something.
the ones who haven't said anything yet.
if you really don't care, you could at least humor me. do me this one favor. give me something to smile at, cause lord knows i need it.